Outside

One time,
I stood outside myself
and looked in.

I saw the opacity of my skin clear
and become as glass:
blood pumped rhythmically,
coursing and flowing;
sometimes torrents,
sometimes gentle meanders.

Raw meat, stretched from joint to joint;
taut, strong.
What could not be seen
was the skeletal support.

So I took a blade
and cut at my arm.

I cut through the glassy skin
and the coursing blood
detoured and surfaced,
spurting onto my hand
and staining my shirt.

Then the meat snapped, ripped apart,
severed until white bone showed.

I felt no pain:
I was detached from myself still.

So I took the blade
and sliced at my shoulder:
the meat and muscle
was pared away
and my scapula
showed dully.

I felt no pain:
I was detached from myself still.

The stripped flesh
hung loosely from the exposed bone
and I stood back and surveyed myself.

I still could not see clearly
the skeletal structure
so I continued paring
and slicing:
the white bone,
flecked with red,
now stood exposed
with the remnants of the meat
piled untidily around my feet
and the floor was slick
with blood.

I felt no pain:
I was detached from myself still.

“What are you doing?”

The voice rattled from my
loosely hanging jaw,
coming from somewhere inside
my exposed ribcage.

“I am trying to see my inner self.”

“Here it is. Is it what you expected?”
I looked:

[My body, now just its skeletal frame,
seemed empty.]

“I can’t see my soul.”

Beware the Internet

Prestel menu: The Internet, old school!

Sitting in front of the computer with the whole world at my feet: what the hell did we do before the Internet?

I’ve been online for a long time. I was on Prestel on an old BBC ‘B’ computer, slow, clunky, Teletext style pages, downright weird though quite pleasantly retro-looking now! Did the dial-up thing; how I miss the whirrs & clicks of the modem dialling into the web!

Seems to me, though, that in this age of instant news, instant connectivity, where the minutiae of peoples’ lives are thrust in your face at every click of the mouse, we are losing perspective about what is important in life.

Answer this: is the internet just a tool to you, an end to a means, or is it such an ingrained part of your life that without it, you’re like an addict going cold turkey? It’s the latter, isn’t it?

The SF writers all have their take on the connected world, cyberspace, call it what you want. I wonder though if we really know what we’ve got ourselves into. It’s not going to go away and we are on it for more than the ride; me you, all of us no matter how much we deny it.

And it’s with us every moment of our lives. The picture you take on your iPhone [is there any other phone worth having?] is online in seconds, a flashmob is set up in minutes, the policeman kicking the shit out of a protester is on the front page of the online versions of the press before you can tweet it!

There’s a theory called six degrees of separation. I don’t know how true it is but it sure feels like it in our instantly connected world and even if you do try and switch off from it, there’ll be no place to hide; you’ve already left your indelible mark on the world …

General Election 2010 – I say ‘meh…’

After enduring months of the phoney election campaign, the runners are out of the traps and hurtling towards May 6 & Election Day. I say ‘meh …’ I really don’t care: I’m bored, frustrated, angry, confused. At this moment, I really don’t think I want to vote: seems to me the best choice = no choice = no vote. In fact, there should be a none of the above option.

Fact is, I don’t believe any of them; their words are at best shallow, at worst, weasel words & not one of the smiling, sycophantic, smarming lot of them deserve my enfranchised, democratic cross on the ballot paper.

I probably will vote but my vote will be a protest against the so-called mainstream. It may be a wasted vote but that is my democratic right. So, Monster Raving Looneys, Greens, Free the Wallabys … Whichever fringe party takes my fancy on the day may, just may, get my mark.

Myrddin’s Works relaunched!

My website logo - click to visit site

I am writing this in the full knowledge that it will likely never be see but here goes anyway …

I have decided to relaunch my website, Myrddin’s Works.

The original host shut down without warning & all my content was lost; I had some saved but most of the graphics were irretrievable. It has been completely redesigned form scratch and serves as a showcase for my writing; poetry & short stories. Any feedback would be much appreciated …

Clever …

Welcome to the 21st Century!

“Do you begin to see, then, what kind of world we are creating? It is the exact opposite of the stupid hedonistic Utopias that the old reformers imagined. A world of fear and treachery and torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but more merciless as it refines itself. Progress in our world will be progress toward more pain.”

If you don’t believe me, look around you next time you walk down the street and count the CCTV cameras watching, recording your every step. Or read the newspaper or listen to the news and see which civil right has been criminalised today in the name of freedom and democracy purporting to protect those very rights and freedoms that are being eroded.

(The quote at the start, by the way,
is from George Orwell’s ‘Nineteen Eighty-four’)

The annual spendfest is over so now what?

So here we are, middle of January, the annual spendfest is a distant memory and I am looking forward with trepidation to the economic gloom. I work in retail, for an Apple Premium Reseller [we sell Apple computers, peripherals, iPods and related stuff for those who don’t know what that means]. Frankly, I was amazed at the frenzy of spending that went on last month leading up to Christmas. What recession? We had as good a Christmas as last year, actually better by a small margin. Very nice for me as I hope my January pay cheque will confirm!

But now, we are sliding fast into the promised slump. We are seeing a 75% drop in people coming into the store and this is reflected by a fall in sales. I do remain fairly optimistic though: last year we were a new store having opened in the October before Christmas. No-one knew we were there. Now I’d like to think we have become something of a fixture with regular customers coming back and new people finding us. We’re also finding more & more people coming into the Apple fold as they get increasingly fed up with the hassles of owning a Windows computer or are swayed by the burgeoning iPod & iPhone user base to try Apple computers.

Whether my optimism will continue as the year progresses is a matter of conjecture but for now, it’s gloom but not yet doom!

Treatment needed for my resistentialsim!

I can’t draw to save my life. Instead, I take immense pleasure in creating word pictures with my writing. I know I fall into the cliché trap and my metaphors are worthy of an Amnesty International investigation! Be that as it may, I love playing with words and to that end, and to bring this pointless introduction to a welcome end, here are some new, obsolete and obscure words that should save you paragraphs of unnecessary explanation. Now to find out how to get treatment for my resistentialsim!

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NB: The average adult recognizes 30,000 to 50,000 words, but only uses 10,000 to 15,000. However, there are actually about 1 million words in the English language!

1. BOANTHROPY – A type of insanity in which a man thinks he is an ox.
2. CHANTEPLEURE – To sing and weep at the same time.
3. DIBBLE – To drink like a duck, lifting up the head after each sip.
4. EOSOPHOBIA – Fear of dawn.
5. EUGERIA – Normal and happy old age.
6. EUNEIROPHRENIA – Peace of mind after a pleasant dream.
7. EYESERVICE – Work done only when the boss is watching.
8. FELLOWFEEL – To crawl into the skin of another person so as to share his feelings, to empathise with.
9. GROAK – To watch people silently while they are eating, hoping they will ask you to join them.
10. GYNOTIKOLOBOMASSOPHILE – One who likes to nibble on a woman’s earlobes.
11. HEBEPHRENIC – A condition of adolescent silliness.
12. IATROGENIC – Illness or disease caused by doctors or by prescribed treatment.
13. LAPLING – Someone who enjoys resting in women’s laps.
14. LIBBERWORT – Food or drink that makes one idle and stupid, food of no nutritional value, `junk food’.
15. MEUPAREUNIA – A sexual act gratifying to only one participant.
16. NEANIMORPHIC – Looking younger than one’s years.
17. ONIOCHALASIA – Buying as a means of mental relaxation.
18. PARNEL – A priest’s mistress.
19. PERISTEROPHOBIA – Fear of pigeons.
20. PILGARLIC – A bald head that looks like a peeled garlic.
21. PREANTEPENULTIMATE – Fourth from last.
22. RESISTENTIALISM – Seemingly spiteful behaviour manifested by inanimate objects.
23. SUPPEDANEUM – A foot support for crucifix victims.

The Quad Arts Centre, Derby, UK

The Quad Arts Centre, Derby, UK

Originally uploaded by Myrddin the Wicca Man

Opening in late September, 2008, this extraordinary building will be the centre of the Arts scene in Derby. Housing the Metro Cinema as well as other venues, it is intended to be the arts hub of the City.

The design is what I call ‘abstract cubist’ (from someone who knows as much about architecture as a fish knows about quantum physics!!)

It is not exactly in keeping with the other buildings in the area but, sad to say, that’s pretty much par for the course in Derby!

The Quad Arts Centre, Derby

Rick Wright, now playing at the Great Gig in the Sky

Richard Wright

Pink Floyd have been one of my favourite bands since I can remember being interested in popular music. I have been lucky enough to see them twice: in 1977 (Empire Pool, Wembley, London) on the Animals tour and again in ’94 at Earl’s Court, London.

The sudden & unexpected loss of Rick Wright is so sad but thankfully his music is his legacy that we can continue to enjoy for a very long time.